In the wee morning hours, I awoke from my slumber. Ben was snoring loudly beside my ear, and had wrapped his legs around mine. I gently pulled my legs out and sat up, rubbing my eyes. Stirring, Ben stretched and rolled away from me, tucking his hands under his pillow.




Standing up and quickly walking across the cool floor, I entered the living room. The rays from the streetlight poured through the windows, casting weird shadows on the floor. There was a sad emptiness in the air, and I couldn’t help but feel that my heart mirrored the same feeling for myself. With a sigh, I pushed through the nursery door and checked on Drake, who seemed lost in a happy dream. A sweet smile rested on his tiny lips.






I hadn’t been lost in happiness for some time, not truly. I had believed I was at my happiest when Ben and I were about to get married. Now I could see it just couldn’t compare to what had been before. My eighteen years alongside Aidan had been the best times of my life. But I had destroyed it, and our lives would never be the same. Sometimes I wished I could go back in time. I’d still run away, but he’d come with me if I had only asked.






I couldn’t do anything without him being on my mind now. I was such a fool to think I could lock him away forever, forgetting all that had transpired before I left town. I could still see him running after the car, his arm outstretched. He called after me, begging to talk things over; that we could make things alright again if we only tried. I didn’t think such things were possible. Apparently it hadn’t been, ‘cause I was still haunted by the memories. They’d never disappear, not for as long as I lived. If he had managed to ward off the demons, he was far stronger than I.


And here I was, miserable in my new life. Drake was the only good part of it. He was the one that kept me rising in the morning. He may have come into a poor situation, but he brought the sunshine to me every day, with just a simple smile and giggle.

He was growing up so fast; too fast. In a couple short months he would be a year old, and Ben and I will have scraped through almost two years of our marriage. It felt like an eternity.


As I watched Drake sleep, I had to wonder if maybe my mother wasn’t so crazy after all. Granted, she had ruined my life as a teenager, but she was so right about Ben and I. I had rushed into things. I had married the first idiot the came into my life. I was living a lie. But, was it fair to leave and make Drake grow up without a father? Sure, he was sort of a jerk sometimes, but he loved the boy.


Maybe I could just let go of things -I mean really let go, I could come to fully love my husband. Perhaps my own disinterest had brought his on with me.

Continue to 1.15